PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP – PART-IV

     As evolved life forms, we show respect to fellow humans in varying degrees, like our lesser evolved fauna. When we like someone, we show a lot of respect to them. In case of friends however, I think it’s the inverse. The more you love your friends, the more you abuse them; verbally at least. It’s a different kind of respect that only your best friends can show you. No matter how much they slash you verbally, they would never give you up to others.

     When it comes to professional relationships, we have a mandatory requirement to be respectful to our colleagues, no matter how much we hate them or love them. Most often than not, we only have a grudging respect for our boss which his station requires. Rarely do we get a boss, who not only is friendly but also is not a jerk. All of our views vary in this aspect that no single person’s experience can be used to define a common cause.

     Why do we respect other people around us? Is it because we are inherently nice? Or is it because we want to be a good person? There are several reasons why we are respectful of others. Sometimes there is no reason, we just like them. Sometimes there is no other option, either they are our elders or they manage us. Sometimes we admire them for something that we love or something that we cannot be. Most times there is a valid reason why we respect others. When we respect others out of no reason, now that’s true respect. It’s not an inherent habit to our species to respect others for nothing. That’s what makes it special.

     Any relationship requires this respect for it to run long. Because the more you respect the other person, the stronger your relationship gets. Without respect, the relationship withers over time. Deep down, we all crave attention and appreciation. Respect is one such necessity that is expected by everyone no matter what.

     When I say respect, its not just being respectful in words but actions as well. When in a relationship, you must always put the relationship first. If your needs become selfish and you decide on things without consulting your partner, doesn’t that mean you don’t respect the relationship or your partner? I mean, there are things you can be selfish about and still enjoy a great relationship. Things like having the last slice of pizza or eating the last scoop of ice cream from the fridge and leaving an empty container for your significant other to find can be fun. Those are fun parts of being in a relationship.

     And then there are the big things in life. Things that are make or break for every relationship. If you decide to make an individual decision on such things, that can put a huge crack on the relationship. To err is human and there is a possibility for some slip-ups and these do not matter as long as they are things that do not define the relationship and not done intentionally. Before deciding on the major things by yourself, take a step back and think for yourself, what would my partner do when put in a situation like this? Would I want him to take a selfish decision without consenting me? Now do not take the high ground and think high & mighty. Be brutally honest, be yourself and think what you would do.

     When we ‘put ourselves in others shoes’, we tend to think that we would act rational and logical but when put in a true situation, rarely do we act rational or logical. Deep down, we all have that little crazy us, that’ll often raise its head over the reasonable us. Keep that in mind whenever you decide for yourself on the big things that will affect your relationship.

     Respect the other person, their feelings and emotions, their wants and dislikes. When you truly respect the other person, you should feel very uncomfortable deciding on things without taking them through with your partner. If you do feel comfortable doing that, maybe the relationship isn’t that important to you. Maybe your partner isn’t that important to you.