PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP – PART-I

     It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to write something that is not work-related, filling out a form or the grocery list. Life sure loves 180s. But as any reasonable grown-up should do, instead of talking about my life, I’m going to talk about other people’s life.

     Now that I’ve got your attention, most of us believe in ‘The One’ or at the very least know the concept of it. As we grow up, life also teaches us abstract concepts such as ‘Fate’ or ‘Destiny’ or ‘Karma’. And no matter how much you want it, I’m not going to discuss about those. I’m not sure who coined the phrase ‘The One’ but whoever did it definitely had their heart stolen. Literally, if it was ‘The Crazy One’.

     We might not say it out loud but each and every one of us want a loving, lasting & cherishing relationship with our life partner. Each gender handles it differently. Men might actually talk tall about being open minded or being dominant but they rarely know what they exactly want from their woman. Women, on the other hand, know exactly what they want from their man but spend (read ‘waste’) a lot of time dropping hints that just go over their male counterparts’ head instead of directly talking about them. This may not apply to all men & women though.

     Born in a culturally rich country where arranged marriages still wipe the floor with love marriages, I know how difficult it can be to express yourself where expressing yourself freely means disrespect to your elders or something even worse. Being right and they know it. There is a lot of guilt trip that controls the majority of the decisions.

     I know that we all want that perfect person in our life. With a bit of a luck, you actually meet them or get married off by your parents. Sometimes arranged marriages can be wonderful when that life partner gives you what you need instead of what you thought you wanted. In love marriages that translates to, ‘I will not give you what you need even though you want it’.

     I’m not going to tell you how to get into a relationship because I truly don’t know. I never learned that game very well. However, I can tell you how to make a relationship work like a well-oiled machine. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any kinks to work out in the future (not the dirty kind of kink).

     To make any relationship work, especially marriages, there are certain rules or game plans that will help. As long as you don’t know them or you’re not ready to abide by them, you are not ready for the relationship. As countless relationship quotes and therapists have said before, relationships need both wheels to work and I am not talking about a unicycle.

     There are five absolutes that every relationship must have to succeed in the long run. It’s difficult for all of these to bloom instantly into the relationship but if you do not have at least three of them at the end of the first year of your relationship, it’s going to be a rocky ride. Below are the five major parameters that control any relationship.

1. Honesty

2. Trust

3. Respect

4. Friendship

5. Love

     Before you start calling me names and dish out other parameters, let me stop you. I can hear the other parameters too. But I’m going in deep on each of these over the next few posts. At the end, I hope I can convince you.