B: ‘What do you want?’
W: ‘What does anyone want?’
B: ‘Love?’
Anyone who has seen the movie and still has some semblance of coherence about it will know what comes next. For the sake of this post, I’m skipping the next part of the dialogue. Love is one of the basest needs for the human psyche. We need to love and be loved. Yeah, you guessed right. I’m going at the list in reverse. You will understand in my later posts why I’m choosing to go down the list in reverse.
When we profess our interest in someone, ‘like’ & ‘love’ are the two go-by words that pop in our mind. However, subconsciously our mind puts a great difference to these words when one is special while we use the other in vain. The word ‘Love’ has a strong feeling associated with it. It goes something like, I love the color red but I like blue too (yeah, you can suck it blue). Love always supersedes like.
I have a friend who is married happily with 2 lovely kids. Let’s call her ‘A’ and her husband ‘S’. Their marriage was arranged and before marriage, we met ‘S’ in a restaurant at a get together that was supposed to be only friends. ‘A’ had brought him along to introduce to us and we had lunch together. It was a little bit awkward since he was older than all of our friends but he was friendly.
‘A’ was a stay-at-home mom while ‘S’ worked away from home. Most commonly, they would get to spend only the weekends together. Their marriage was not perfect, none is. They went through their own rough patch burying old skeletons that threatened their relationship at the very beginning of their marriage. But, they endured. We all have skeletons buried in our closets, some much more so. When their past threatened their present life, they didn’t run away. They didn’t turn to the big guns (read ‘parents’) or real guns to blow the other person’s head off. Instead they turned to love and love they did.
The one thing that never lacked in their relationship was love. It was abundant and overflowing. Maybe working away from home for most days helped but they had great chemistry. From the day of their marriage to this day, the only profile picture ‘A’ has in her WhatsApp account is of her husband. After 2 kids and a lot of pounds (sorry, ‘A’), they are still going great at it. If you ask me to choose one constant factor that keeps them glued together, it’s love. They never turned away from it. Just like Marshall & Lily from 'How I met your mother'.
Love is a no-brainer. Literally, you don’t need too much brains for it. All you need is care for the other person and the ability to put the other person ahead of your interests. As always, both wheels are necessary to keep the marriage afloat. In every relationship, one person loves more than the other. Yes, it’s true. That doesn’t mean whoever loves less doesn’t deserve their partner. All it means is that they need to put in one extra step at a time to keep moving towards their partner. Because when you start caring less & less, that you don’t put the same effort into it as you did the first time, it will definitely draw the line in the sand.
No magic is permanent. Everything fades. If you want to keep enjoying it, you need to put effort into it. If there is no effort to show your love, is it really love?
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