PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP – PART-III

     We all know the saying, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. A friend who is there for you in your time of need is a true friend indeed. Another word we use in vain these days is ‘friend’. Someone worked with us, studied with us or we just say ‘Good Morning’ everyday in passing and we give them the mantle of a ‘Friend’. In that definition, every one of us have a lot of friends, however, how close are they to you? How close are you to them?

     In any corporate job, there comes a time when everyone must answer a question that never changes. ‘Where do you see yourself with us in the next 5 years?’ I think we can apply this to real life relationships too, not for family obviously, we’re stuck with them for life. For other relationships such as friends, lovers & partners though, this question can be a real eye opener if answered with brutal honesty (if that’s not possible try to be the least bit honest).

     The primary investment any relationship needs is neither money nor gifts but time. Your time is the single most precious investment that you can give to a loved one. Some may consider this exercise a logical and heartless one but just ride with me. Make a list of all your friends. If you don’t remember them enough to add to the list, they have zero importance to you. If you have to think for even a microsecond if you should add them to the list, do not add them. When something major happens in their life which requires you to travel a day and you think the ordeal is too much that you might skip it, do not add them. Now the list should be very compact. If your list has nobody on it now, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have true friends but that you’re lazy on your ass. Just deal with it.

     Friendship that overcomes all these and endures for a long time will be even more precious than Love. We all have our own good, bad and the ugly. If you don’t have one, you must be lying. A true friend is someone with whom you are comfortable sharing all three. A true friend is someone who listens to all your dumb shit and still sticks with you. A true friend is someone who doesn’t judge you for your mistakes but helps steer you on the right track. Sometimes with words and sometimes with smacks.

     Just like everyone, I have a lot of friends but only a handful of close friends with whom there is nothing I would not discuss. I have friends that I’ve known more than half my life who understand me and guide me in whatever path I choose. A true friend never holds back and never gives you false praise. They would not think for a second to put you back in your place. But they will do it with such grace, you will feel both insulted and insightful.

     Life might take you places and you may even fall apart on some friendships but there are some, where the years won’t matter. No matter how long you’ve been apart, you instantly connect and the years dissolve. Many a time in my life, my friends have been pillars of support to me and I could not thank them enough. In return, I do all I can to be there for them. And if you fall in love with that kind of a friend and that love leads to marriage, you are one of the luckiest to walk the face of the earth.

     That is the best lesson Chandler and Monica from ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ can teach us. That even though you started on the wrong foot, a true friendship can do wonders to your life and the only condition needed is that you continue the friendship.

     Time is a costly gift. Invest it wisely and invest it in good relationships. A good friendship can make your life a whole lot better in this complicated, uncaring world. Make new friends but do not forget your old friends that came through in your time of need. Those are the only people worth keeping in your life. Those are the only people worthy of your time. Those are the only hearts that make the world a better place to live.