Monday 21 June 2021

PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP – PART-VI

     Well, we are down to the last factor on our list. If you’ve taken the time to read all my previous posts and are here now, there could only be one reason. You really think I’ve been honest so far, trust me enough to read through, respect my views, consider my words a friendly advice and well, love me. Guess we are in a relationship after all.
     If you’ve truly read through all my prior posts on this topic, you should understand by now why I came at the list in reverse and why honesty stands at the top of the list. Honesty truly defines any relationship whether you agree or not. Have you ever gotten close to someone that you think is lying through their teeth for their own gains? No, I think not. Even if they were lying and we were naïve enough to think that the truth, that is the only way we trust and get closer to the liars.
     But does that last? In every person’s life, there is someone we trusted blindly until we saw the truth about them and boy, was that truth ugly. The fallout is even worse that we cannot even look at their face without thinking about all the lies they fed us. The constant wonder of whether they are being honest or lying again in things little and large, might even keep us up at night. Sure, we all lie to other people in our day to day lives. Sorry, I have a family emergency and I can’t attend this work thing or vice versa. There are white lies that doesn’t affect anyone and then there are lies that break people in half.
     If you think a relationship can live based on a lie, it will either die short or live long enough for the lie to break the relationship irrevocably. I tried to frame the sentence to mirror the dialogue between the ‘Dark Knight’ and the ‘White Knight’. At one point or the other, we are all put in a situation where we think that we know what’s best for the other person to know. As grown-ups, we all have the ‘right to know’. Would you rather a close one in your life hide something from you to shield you from possible pain than tell you the truth and be done with it?
     If you trust the person enough, your answer might be, ‘I wouldn’t mind them hiding things from me’ until there comes a time, when you feel violated and betrayed that your answer becomes, ‘you had no right hiding it from me’. And this time, it will make you question everything they did for you in a new light. Trust me, this new light will be darker and unforgiving. Not all truths deserve to be told immediately. ‘Your parents didn’t want you’ rings very differently to a kid than a grown-up.
     An adult on the other hand, deserves the truth as it is and it is their right to decide what they make of it. When we hide the truth from them and influence their decision, isn’t that somewhat the same as mind control? Would you rather your decisions not be your own but careful engineering by some other person in your life? Would you really give up your freewill to make your own choices?
     Honesty is not always an easy choice. A lie is easy to come by and easy to make believe. Truth, on the other hand, will always face some difficulties when expressed but give it time and it’ll blossom into something wonderful. Remember the times when earth was flat, black people were slaves, transgenders were cursed and homosexuals went to hell? We all know the battles that had to be fought and now look at our world. It’s perfectly round, all people are treated equal and all love is accepted. Of course, there will always be exceptions. There is no law without exceptions.
     Being honest to the people you love is of utmost importance. To the people that share most of your life, a lie is a poison that will eat the relationship inside out.

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